Forbidden Love
by HarryPotterTM
Summary: Driven by temptation, grief and chaos, Hermione sparks an irreversible meld of hate and confusion to unfold around her as she finds herself making the most paramount choice ever. - A special thank you to Kirsty, my amazing beta and inspiration. Without her help, there would be no fanfic.


**FORBIDDEN LOVE**

-**Temptation**-

_Temptation is a disease. It infects the mind, creating a deceitful haze of one's emotions and of your own perceptions. Temptation forces you to act on, not everything you've ever known about yourself, but what you do not know. And as humans, we desire to know everything, sometimes this desire can be our most gratifying - sometimes it can be a blessing, most of the time: it's a curse. Nothing can pull you back from the abyss._

Taking warm sips of the leathery and warm tea that undulated and lapped between my tongue, I glanced over toward Draco here and then, as he searched through some pamphlets on the table. I was curious. I hated it when I was curious. I guess he was the riddle I could not answer and that intrigued me all the more.

The day I kissed _him _returns very vividly to my mind. I was alone. Without anyone. It was just after the war had finished. Just after I moved into the Burrow with Ron. I was driven by this intangible force to kiss him, and I'd lunged myself all over him. But I soon stopped. Now, months after, it seems a little tedious. I do not question why he ignored me for so long. I hated him. Or at least... I think I did.

"What brings you here?" I question, my lips stroking the tip of the cup before taking ephemeral sips.

"So what? I can't even visit an old friend now?" He smirked, as he wolfed down the tea I had generously made for him. I began to regret not adding poison.

"You can't just turn up here, Malfoy. Especially when Ron will be back any minute. You're lucky you're even here."

"Lucky?" He spat, taking my words for a joke. "Where is everyone anyway?" He queried after looking around.

"Everyone has gone to visit Bill. Fleur has given birth to a baby boy and so everyone decided to go give him a warm, welcoming visit. It's a shame I can't the say the same about yours," I snarled, trying my best to get him to leave. He barely noticed, instead he just raised his eyebrows and flashed a set of pearl white teeth in amusement.

"Oh, you haven't changed at all, Granger. I like that." He laughed and for a while, I just stood there, counting the possible hexes or curses I could use on him.

"I could say the same about you," I fired back.

"Whatever, Granger," He replied abruptly, a slight frown appeared on his forehead... My lips curved out of amusement.

"Don't laugh at me!" He insisted. I couldn't help myself, after a while he began to laugh too.

For some while, we _actually _engaged into a conversation, although it diverted off to random topics sometimes. We spoke. There was some sort of tension lingering in the room, but it wasn't the bad type of tension - I think.

Suddenly, a loud thud came from the front door and my heart was punched up to my throat. Draco didn't dare to even blink whilst my alarmed eyes tried to see who the figure at the door was... It was Ron.

"Go, Draco," I whispered whilst looking at him, my eyes frantically darting between his face and the shadow at the door.

In one fluid movement, Draco apparated, his curious smile dissipated into a swirl of air and colour that engulfed him and then he was gone. A cloud of dust circulated the chair he had sat on. I sighed briefly before etching towards the door, my heart slowly sinking back down to my chest.

Ron. His face. I smiled with every glance. I pulled the door open, his ginger hair ruffled, just how I liked it. Ron trailed behind me, his fingers were icy cold but I held onto them nonetheless. I tried not to look to at him, just for a while so I could contain myself. It had only been seconds ago that I was staring into Draco's eyes. And that worried me.

"How is Harry?" I asked. I haven't seen Harry for a while and his absence seemed strange. Ron went to visit him briefly, I felt guilty for not going but I didn't have time for guilt.

"He's fine. To think he actually misses us. Ginny does too," He replied smiling, I didn't let go of his hand.

"Ah, so their new apartment looks good does it?" I quizzed. Ginny and Harry had moved in together, I felt envious whenever I thought of the independence they had. Why doesn't Ron want to move in with me?

"Good? Bah, they had muggle furniture everywhere, you wouldn't even think one of the greatest wizards of all time lives there," He said as he walked towards the table.

"Oh, really? Looks like we won't invite them to help us pick an apartment any time soon," I croaked nervously, his eyes suddenly interlocked with mine, he gave me this indescribable look. I had to look away.

"You know I'm not ready to move," He argued.

"I know," I replied, a sudden influx of guilt overpowered me. But then I remembered, I had no time for guilt.

"Who's been here?" He asked, picking up the cup Draco had been drinking from.

"Oh, it was just Kirsty. She came to check up on me. Thought I'd say thank you with a cup of tea." I hated lying to him. I really did.

"Ah, and how was she?"

"She was fine. I guess after you've lost your whole family in a war; I don't think you'll ever be fine, but she did a great job of looking it. Poor girl."

Ron continued to immerse himself in his skill of story telling as he narrated his visit to Harry, whereas I wondered what brought Draco here as I cleaned the cup, which he drank from. Not before I stroked my lips against the rim of his cup, I didn't know why, but I couldn't stop myself. Staring out the window into the voluminous fields, covered in shades of green, I felt a shift in my stomach that burned my blood and stirred my soul- it was temptation. My temptation for Draco.

-**Grief-**

_There comes a moment in each of our lives when the control that keeps us content slips through our fingers. Most of us aim to seize it back, attempting to salvage what remains of our happiness and many fail, and are at the infallible hands of grief, as it stalks them like a ghost. Unforgiving and without mercy._

Every time I look into his soft eyes, I remember that day.

The day that _everything _made sense. It was Harry and Ginny's wedding, even though Ron said it was a little hurried, we both supported them fully. We understood their circumstance because we were in love just like they were. It was when I was at the top of the staircase on the wedding day that I knew _everything _was meant to be. A scented almond smell drifted from my dark hair, Ron watched patiently holding his arm out ready for me to clutch his wrist. The velvet dress fluttered as I glided down the large polished wooden staircase, my silk brown hair fell to one side of my face. The velvet dress stopped just a few inches under my knees and the sleeveless dress glimmered radiantly against the expensively embellished chandeliers that threw a muted glow in my direction. My shoes rotated, soon followed by the velvet dress and then my long russet neat hair. It was the first time in _all _my life that I was so sure about something. Forget an answer to an examination question or a riddle. For the first time, I _knew _he was the _one. _But now, everything remains a distortion of bewilderment.

I loved Ron, but Draco lingered in the corners of my mind. Ticking.

"Ron, I love you," I whispered into his ear, his ginger hair brushing against my cheek. I did love him, I was sure of that.

"I love you, too," He replied, his lips widely parting to smile. Every time he smiled, I felt content. As if I shared his happiness.

I often found myself contemplating the life I would live with Ron. I hope we have children some day. But I can't think so far ahead. We still live in the Burrow. Although I love the company of his family, they're my family too practically, but I yearn for our independence. Like Harry and Ginny. I sometimes feel guilty for not thinking in Ron's perspective; I understand he does not want to move. But I just want us to have space... Like the couple we are. Then I can contemplate about children and marriage. Then I can think about the future.

The sky was split, between the light of the day and the darkness of the night, both as equally beautiful and alluring. It was dusk, and as perfect as the world had looked, I began to wonder how I would have to see this world in a different light. I felt worried, as well as many other feelings. I tried not to even think about _him. _About Draco. Instead, I just continued to look through the loose apartment rental pamphlets I had. Draco's voice echoed in my mind:

"_Oh, you haven't changed at all, Granger. I like that."_

A rapid influx of overwhelming feelings shocked me and I had to take a few seconds to return to my normal composure, what did he mean by that? A cut of parchment slipped out between the pamphlets and landed on my lap, it had a poignant address written in unmistakable handwriting. It was Draco who wrote this. He must have slipped it in they're when he was looking through them. What was he trying to hint?

As I scanned the address only to acknowledge that his small apartment was not far from the Burrow, I slipped on my coat and ventured towards his place, trying not to wake Ron. I had to obtain some answers to the increasing questions in my mind.

I loped out of the door and ran through the fields, the chilling December breezes mildly stroked the tips of the emerald grass. Wandering through the fields, there was just a small forest until I could get some reassurance.

The forest was dark and lifeless, still and dead, after the blinding darkness had filled every corner of the forest, I began to feel a different awareness. The sun, barely brushing at the horizon, blasted rays of light across the sky. The dark indigo sky began giving way to a lighter blue colour and suddenly there were heavy, indistinct shadows on the ground. A few minutes more, and the shapes of the branches and tree trunks became clearer, though still shrouded in darkness. The scent of rain on arid soil filled my nostrils. The sound of an occasional small animal whistled amidst the wind, as they were scurrying in the underbrush. Probably beginning their morning search for food. Before any life could embrace the beautiful and ephemeral sight; the sun's morning radiance glared throughout the sky, filling the outlines of the treetops up high with an earthly glow and silhouetting every single honey dew-kissed leaf. The sunlight gave life to every corner of the forest. The day had begun almost as soon as it had ended and I had witnessed it. Finally, I came to halt. A wooden door stood before me. Should I knock? Or should I just go back? The latter began to grow on me. But I had to find answers... I knocked on the door shakily. Moments later, I was staring at two cobalt eyes. Beguiled.

"So why are you here?" He said, his pale chest bare against the sun. "I don't suppose _you've come to visit an old friend, _have you?" He mimicked half-smiling.

"I came for answers, Draco," I said, annoyed. He was standing balancing his arms on a table.

"Oh, I'm sure it's not just that," He said. He walked towards me, his bare chest so finely shaped. He gave me a weird look.

"Stop it," I replied, looking away.

"Why do you find this... Distracting?" He whispered. His hands were placed on his hips that curved slightly under his masculine figure. I may have not changed. But Draco has.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him. I did find it distracting but he could never know that. He shouldn't. "What did you mean when you said you like that I haven't changed?" I asked, tired of his games.

"I like that you haven't changed. You're still Hermione," He said plainly, without smiling. For some reason, it made all the difference. His eyes locked on mine.

"I don't understand."

"You should," He said, his voice broke off slightly and he moved away into the recesses of the room. "You should know exactly why," He murmured. Not daring to look back.

"I am trying to but-"

"I still love you," He said in a monotonous tone. Without fault or a tremble in his voice.

My eyes suddenly became hard to control as they flicked nervously around the room, a small breeze unsettled my hair and I left his apartment. I was confused, even more than before.

I slipped out my wand and flicked it over the door with a deft movement. I glided towards the table, after having moved Ron's out-of-place shoes; he left them by the door. Why were they here? I sat down. My absent mind confused with emotions.

When I could no longer take the flashbacks of Draco, or the overriding emotions, I fled upstairs to comfort. To Ron.

Ron sat perched on the corner of the bed, his eyes fixated, as they did not even realise my presence.

"Ron, are you alright?" I asked, not even bothering to close the door, but that didn't matter.

"What do you mean?" He said. "I'm fine." I wish I could believe him but he lies too easily.

"No... You're not fine, Ronald." I gave him the look I would give him when I addressed him by 'Ronald'... His eyes hovered over me and then looked away. Without comprehension.

"And what makes you say that?" He replied, folding his arms after having stood up defensively. What was wrong with him?

"You're acting strangely, Ron. Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, you could say that," He said, laughing.

I didn't reply but frowned instead. What exactly was wrong?

"Where did you go early in the morning?" He questioned hovering towards me. His words quiet enough for me to hear.

Paralyzed. I didn't reply.

"Where did you go?" He asked again, a vein near his temple throbbed and his face began to turn red.

I didn't reply. I didn't dare look at him either. I couldn't.

"Hermione... Look at me! WHERE DID YOU GO?" He bellowed, his mouth wide open with anger.

I flinched instantly.

"I- I went-"

"Malfoy," He replied suddenly.

"No!" I lied, how could he have known?

"LIAR! I SAW YOU LEAVE, I FOLLOWED YOU. YOU WENT TO HIM. I KNOW YOU DID HERMIONE!" He hollered. He was standing up now, his fists banging against the table and his chair thrown to the floor.

"Ron..." My lips trembled and I became overwhelmed by his anger- tears rooting from my eyes. It made sense. That's why his shoes were misplaced earlier.

Ron span on his heel, fury blazing behind his eyes and he clutched t he ornate door handle, pulling at it with such rage. His red slender fingers clamped around the door. I couldn't help myself as I let a restrained sob echo throughout the room.

"Ron!" I screamed helplessly throwing myself between him and the door.

"Hermione... Get out of my way!" He shouted, his crimson face and blazing eyes scaring me.

"Where are you going?" I yelled at him. "Leave Draco alone."

"You think I'd go to that scum?" He looked me in the eyes, for a second, it seemed all of his rage and burning anger ceased... "I'm glad he means so much to you." He said, as if he was about to cry. I stood still. The door shut behind him.

Bursting into muffled cries, I heard his footsteps against the crisp golden leaves and cried even more. I would recognise his footsteps disappearing into the fields. I had to get away. I had to escape from this room. It felt as if everything was contracted inwards and I was at the centre of it all. Finding it difficult to breathe and struggling to contain my emotions that were spiralling viral, I left the room. There was only one person I could speak to: Draco.

Draco's voice echoed in my head:

"_I still love you."_

My head turned and twisted in grief.

Skimming down the staircase, I returned to the kitchen. Draco was there. A sudden shift in my stomach made my palms go sweaty and my eyes couldn't focus.

"Wh - how did you get here?" I asked utterly baffled.

"Take a guess..." He murmured pointing at the door that slightly opened, a golden beam of light pouring through the gap.

"Draco, I need help," I croaked. I wanted his earnest advice.

Surprisingly, he followed me back into my room. It was hard to believe that just a few seconds ago, Ron and I had argued. But I didn't bother to overthink that. I didn't want to cry again.

"What's up?" He asked, his soft enthralling eyes engulfed mine.

I began to tell him everything. He listened.

**-Chaos-**

_A conflicted or threatened heart feeds on doubt and confusion. Searching the corners and depths of your mind and everything you know; it seeks certainty. And as you stare ahead... Darkness is all you see. The dark hour of chaos grows and unfolds around you._

I did not plan on telling Draco. It just happened. But now, it seems right. He listens to me. And I like that. Very much.

"Thank you for listening to me, Draco," I murmured.

"No, continue... I know you're not finished," He insisted.

He brushed the back of his fingers against my cheeks; I flushed red and turned away. I didn't know why he just did that, but I tried to ignore it, I guess he was just comforting me.

"We always argue and - and I just want to be with him and he doesn't realise that. I mean-"

"I know. It's natural to fight," He said in a soothing tone. And he began to brush my arms; starting at my elbows right up to my hands, it was calming, so I didn't tell him to stop. Even though a voice in the back of my head told me otherwise.

"But you see, Ron and I, we never fight, he promised me after the day he left Harry and me. He said he'd never shout at me again. And he hasn't, not until the past couple of weeks," I replied, forcing tears back.

"I'm sure, you'll both sort it out," His voice was even more soothing and calming.

"He's not like you, Draco. He's not independent and clever like you. You don't understand."

His eyes are at level with mine. His eyes were so beautiful. Slightly vacant but still, I was mesmerised.

"Trust me..." His words were almost a whisper, consumed by eyes; I jerked the side of my lips into a subtle smile.

"I do." He added. Inches away from my face, I felt a tingling sensation inside me that drove me forwards. Suddenly, my arms were around him as I smothered his lips.

He was kissing me, but not how I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me passionately and tell me everything will be fine. I pulled away, but as soon as I did, he kissed me again; I could feel the warmth of his tongue. It was as if he had read my mind.

"I want you, Hermione," He said, his arms clamped around my back.

"Draco?" And then I realised what I was doing.

"I know you feel the same way."

"Draco, I can't-"

"What do you mean?" His arms tightened around me.

"Draco, let go, you're hurting me," For a second, I thought he wouldn't but his arms dropped at his sides, lifeless.

Draco slid down the cold stone wall to his knees once more, choked sobs amplified by the domed roof. A single tear rolled off of his cheek and landed in his lap.

"Tell me what you want... I can't do this anymore. I-" he moped.

"I don't want anything, Draco. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even kissed you. This was nothing."

"What?" He said, his eyes almost bulging out of its sockets. "What do you mean by that?" His sobs were even louder. "Tell me, Hermione."

I couldn't take anymore of his moping. I kissed him. My fingers ran through his white hair, I didn't close my eyes but instead, I lost myself in his cobalt blue ones.

"I don't want it like this," He said, pulling away.

"I don't understand, Draco," I said, and it was true, I didn't understand.

"Why did you ignore me when the war was over? I waited for you..."

"I don't know," He replied, looking away... He lies too easily.

"... Why?" I repeated, my voice louder and more meaningful, tears rooting from my eyes.

"B-because if I had heard your voice, even for a second, let alone see your face... I would have changed my mind. I would have wanted to stay... With you. Just to look at your face, just to hear your voice."

Suddenly, my body was frozen and it took me longer than usual to realise what he had just said... And then it hit me. And the flame of temptation burned vigorously within me, alive with passion and lust, before I could stop myself, I kissed him. He shut the door, taking quick breaths between the kisses... I trudged backwards towards my bed, my hands submerged into his white locks... I closed my eyes.

Never in my life had I ever felt more fulfilled, Draco was there, bare whilst his arms were perched up against the windows. But this was a dark fulfillment the kind I had always condemned. I caught his gaze and he glided slowly towards me and held me tightly. Enveloped in his warmth... I felt alive. His pulsating glow. His breath against my bare skin, his fingers explorative and balminess; my tears tinged silver by the muted glows of light.

"I love you," He whispered, the words ringing in my head like an alarm, but they were more than just words, I knew that.

"I know," I replied quietly. He gazed at me blankly..."I love you, too," I added, struggling to swallow. The words were vague to me. I was not certain.

And then I submitted myself, driven by lust and temptation, or was it love and compassion?

The answer seemed almost obscure as my feelings for Draco and Ron. Judas. I was some sort of betrayer. As comforting as Draco's hug was, I still felt filthy. Was this what guilt felt like?

As I lay almost bare naked, the cold air swathing me, bitter and numb... Not even Draco's warmth could save me.

I had betrayed him, the boy I had loved for most of my life. Surely, the word love doe not suffice. He was my desire, my light, and my counterpart in this world. My love for Ron is inexplicable.

My eyes interlocked with Draco's and suddenly a wave of air engulfed me, warm and full of his alluring scent. Only one question emanated amidst the bitterness and scarce warmth... What do I do?

Before I could even process the thought, a loud creaking noise filled the room. I clambered onto the bed looking for clothes; my arms sprawled across like a distorted web. Dazed and disorientated, I was staring, immobile and paralysed, into a pair of suddenly infuriated eyes, his ginger hair all but a haze. It was Ron... My Ron.

**Chaos. I had created Chaos. I had allowed my mistaken emotions to control me in every way. Everything around me, a blur of colour and noise. I was trapped. Ron, who owns my unconditional love, I have never felt more safe than in his arms. With him there are no faults. Draco, alluring and troubled, but a lustful flame still burns within me, he posses a rarity of beguiling independence. Those who have fallen victim to chaos know of the troubles that it brings and the uncertainties that are woven deep into its depths. The outcome of chaos can never be predicted. The only certainty it brings... is the devastation it leaves in its wake.**

_Forbidden Love: Atonement, Reckoning and Destiny. Coming Soon. Prepare yourselves!_


End file.
